My Beautiful Disaster
by Sasurealian
Summary: I am a demon and my life revolves around devouring souls. However, soon I start to serve under a young boy, who not only smells like heaven and sin combined, but has the most broken soul that is the most beautiful disaster.   AU SebaCiel Yaoi
1. Part One

**STOP! **Before you read this fanfiction you should listen to Kelly Clarksons song Beautiful Disaster. It will make this story SOO much better! =D

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler and sadly never will. *cries in corner*

**Title:** Beautiful Disaster

**Pairings:** Sebastian/Ciel (yaoi)

**Rating:** T / Pg-13

**Genre:** Drama/Angst/Romance

**Summary:** I am a demon and my life revolves around devouring souls. However, soon I start to serve under a young boy, who not only smells like heaven and sin combined, but has the most broken soul that is the most beautiful disaster.

**Timeline:** Actual universe. Also known as 21st century.

**Warnings:** Slight yaoi. Nothing too bad. Slight OOC, too!(I tried my best for what I had to work with) and then is also slight fluff/angst. o.o Okay a lot of it. Sheesh. *walks away* Oh and one more thing. There is also TWO parts to this story! TWO parts! =D Stay tuned for the second part! 

* * *

><p>-<p>

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**By Sasurealian**

**Part one**

"Ah, what a disaster.." I sighed as I peered onto the mangled body before me. There was certainly a lot of blood and the smell was delightful.

Sad being.  
>He is now empty without a soul. Of course the penalty for making a contract with a demon is never seeing the gates of heaven.<p>

Sad being indeed.

The moonlight shined within my crimson eyes and I smirked as I licked each one of my fingers. The soul would fill me for enough time, but I'd soon have to find another. One that will taste even better.

I let the darkness flow around me as I disappeared into the shadows. Soon someone would find the disaster I left behind and who knows, maybe they'll be the next sad being to walk in my path, just adding to another soul I have devoured so deviously. 

* * *

><p>-<p>

"Sebastian!" I paused and smiled as the young boy with silver hair jumped off the front steps and dashed into my arms. I hugged him tightly and snickered, "My my, you sure seem optimistic today, young lord."

He nodded and with a grin, "Yea, that is because the doctors thinks my treatment is going to work! Isn't that exciting?"

The young boy that was clinging into my arms was named Ciel. He wasn't your average eight year old boy. In fact, he looked at life with the glass half full instead of half empty. He had a different life style than other boys his age. He had parents who loved him very much, he was rich, and he was also diagnosed with leukemia less than a year ago.

"Oh, is that so?" I asked raising an eyebrow, "When are you going to start taking it?"

Ciel sighed and looked down at his toes, "Momma says this summer, but it makes me sad because I'll be in bed sick while all the other kids get to go outside and have fun."

I tilted my head downward and lifted his chin up to face me, "Hey, don't do that."

Ciel blinked, "Do what?"

"Frown." I answered, "You know that you're going to have to get better. Once you're better you can do all the other things you friends can do."

Ciel let a tiny smile take over his face, "Okay, Sebastian. But…"

I waited for him to continue, "But what?"

"But you have to stay with me this summer and keep me company, Sebastian!"

Which of course I did. It was natural for a demon to sit beside a child's bedside and read silly stories to them. It was natural for a demon to serve a child's favorites foods and watch TV for countless hours. It was even natural for a demon to dote around a child doing anything in their wimp. However, it was NEVER natural for a demon to do these things without a contract tied to them. What would be the point?

Hell, I hadn't a clue, but some reason every day of Ciel's eighth summer I was there and for ideas unknown I enjoyed every bit of it. 

* * *

><p>-<p>

It all started when I saw Ciel jump out of his car for school. He dropped his work sheet and chased after it while the wind threatened to swallow it into the air. Ciel screeched as he reached after it and I smirked once he caught it and then started to talk to it like the paper was a person and had done something wrong.

He wasn't like many other kids. Then, once I found out he was sick, I became even more intrigued by him. He usually didn't complain about being sick, but there were his bad days when he would see all the other kids playing and couldn't join them.

I soon was hired as his butler to watch over him and keep him from harm. That was when he was seven years of age, but I still haven't made a bonding contract with him and I didn't know what was stopping me.

One afternoon when I picked him up from school he asked me a question I didn't feel like answering. I didn't know how.

"Sebastian, why is it when my classmate Alois pushes me down or throws things at me I get hurt easier?"

Ciel didn't look at me when he asked the question and I smiled lightly before answering, "Well, you're just made with more heaven than he is."

It was true and it was also a lie. I knew little about paradise except that it was perfect. Ciel seemed perfect to me. I didn't want to take that from him, but at the same time, my whole body craved for it from the tips of my toes to the buds on my tongue.

Ciel could only giggle, "Then I guess…you're like…my angel?"

But I didn't answer him. Just took his hand and continued down the sidewalk. 

* * *

><p>-<p>

It wasn't until Ciel was eleven that his parents died. I remember it so clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

I took Ciel to America to see a special doctor to see if he could help him. It was beginning to become a huge failure because Ciel wasn't responding to the treatment. I kept taking him to doctor after doctor.

Once we arrived back in London, I got a phone call that changed Ciel's life forever.

The following day was a day I could never forget.

It was dreadful.

It was sullen.

I walked into Ciel's room and pulled open the curtains, but no light drained into the room. It was raining and the sky was unforgiving.

"My lord…" I spoke as I knelt in front of his bed.

"Go away, Sebastian."

That was the first time his voice ever demanded me to do anything. Before he would always ask gently, but his tone and his once angelic voice was beginning to slip away. "My lord-"

"Don't you get it!" Ciel snapped as he cut my sentence off. He glared dangerously into my eyes and frowned, "They died! They're gone and it was all because of me!" Ciel took a deep breath and lowered his gaze, "If I stayed home instead of going to see another stupid doctor about my leukemia then I could have been able to see the fire. I would have been able to tell them and get them out before….before.."

I grabbed Ciel's shoulder and made him face me, "That wasn't your fault, Ciel."

He shook his head and bit his lip to hide back his tears, "But it was. If I wasn't sick then…I would have been here for them. What use am I when I am so broken? I might as well just die right now."

I almost slapped him; almost, "Ciel!" I raged with narrowed eyes, "You shall not wish your own death. What kind of man would you be then?"

I wasn't one to get angry, but Ciel wasn't like the other souls I had met. Most humans were stupid and naïve. It was as if they didn't use their brains at all. They throw their life away too easily and the things they wish for are so pathetic and stupid.

"Sebastian…" Ciel whispered as he leaned back on his bed, "No more treatment, okay? It never works and….and I don't like how sick it makes me."

The change of subject shocked me. His voice was back to its normalcy and I let him be as I bowed shortly and left the room. To die was an awful thing to experience.

He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme I know...  
>He's as damned as he seems and more heaven than a heart could hold.<p>

I shut the door and let him rest.

And although I couldn't hear his tears, I knew they would be stained down his pale cheeks the next day. 

* * *

><p>-<p>

Ciel was twelve years old now. He had continued on with life refusing anymore treatment. I would try and talk him into trying it again, but he would snap at me and call it useless.

Was he truly going to accept death so easily?

The boy had changed since last year. He wasn't as soft as he once was. I began to think he was building his heart with hate, but who was I to understand a human's heart? 

* * *

><p>-<p>

I stared over at Ciel as we sat in the ice cream shop. I watched as he dropped his elbow on the table and leaned his head onto his palm sighing. He dug his spoon around in his dessert without speaking a word to me.

I bore my eyes into him, but he wouldn't look up. Why wouldn't he look at me?

"Ciel…"

"I thought it was lord?" Ciel placed his spoon on the table and stood up from the table walking away.

I huffed standing from my seat, "Ciel."

But he was already outside the parlor. Why was he doing this?

If I tried to save him….my whole world could cave in. It just isn't right.

I should have treated Ciel like any other human. Tear their insides out and drink their soul without a straw. To have the rush of that sin is so lustful, but looking at Ciel, I couldn't see why I can't hurt him. Why can't I just take him now?

To form a contract would destroy his faith, his beauty…..his eternity, but…what eternity do you have when you're verging death?

I walked outside the parlor and Ciel leaned against the side of the shop with his hands inside his khaki pants.

I pursed my lips together and walked towards him, "If all you were to me was my lord then I wouldn't still be here."

Ciel kept his cerulean eyes away from mine. His face looked entirely stoic, but behind that façade were more emotions than a person could take.

Ciel wasn't what everyone thought he was. Some people would describe him as a brat because he doesn't appear thankful for anything, but I know that he decides to keep his feelings bottled up because he knows he is going to die and why create bonds with people that you'll only know for a short time?

Then there is me. I am different from anyone else he knows because I have been with him for almost half his life. Ciel trusts me, but now he ignores me. He acts arrogant and tough, but deep down he is as gentle as a feisty kitten feeling left out in the rain. Except as he sits in that soaked cardboard box, he remains silent waiting for someone to take him home.

"Ciel….my lord….you should go back home and rest." I said as I moved closer towards him.

His eyes looked up into mine and his - once- ocean blue eyes were shot red with tears begging and pleading to be released, "Maybe Sebastian….maybe you shouldn't be more than my butler."

I knotted my brows at his statement and closed my eyes with a chuckle, "Stop acting on your own, Ciel. Stop pretending that you can handle this all by yourself." I inched forward and pulled him into my embrace, "You're not alone damnit." I smiled firmly and looked into his eyes, "I told you I wouldn't leave you, remember?"

Ciel's lips eased apart as he studied my face. It wasn't like me to react like I did, but it did the trick because he nodded and blushed walking ahead of me.

I don't know….I don't know what he is after, but….when I see him walking with that mask on his face with his elegant features and beautiful eyes, I know that he isn't a disaster. He is a beautiful disaster. I had never dealt with a beautiful disaster before.

Maybe if I can hold on through his tears and his lost laughter, then maybe it would be a beautiful disaster… 

* * *

><p>-<p>

Ciel was in the hospital since last night. He wasn't doing well and his blood cells were really screwed up due to what the doctor was saying, "It is really not looking so good for him. He is going to start feeling more and more tired until he is so tired he'll fall asleep and never wake up."

I looked over at Ciel from my left. A breathing tube was placed at the tip of his nose and his thin lips were chapped. I gritted my teeth together, "Ah yes, thank you for the information."

The doctor walked away and I exhaled a breath as I sat next to Ciel.

I couldn't recall in all the thousand years I have been alive ever caring for something as low as a human. They were only food to demons, but then….when I first saw him I wasn't just addicted to him. I wanted him in my life.

Being a demon was day to day the same routine. It bored me and made life not seem worth it. I would make a meaningless contract and quickly take their soul once their wish came true, but after I devoured the being I felt bored and lazy. Souls didn't taste so heavenly anymore.

Women didn't excite me and the games demons played were annoying. I went in search for another soul and once my eyes saw Ciel…how could I forgot that scent and that smile?

I bent over his bed and brushed my fingers through his silky hair. His face was so pale and his lips were almost white. He was losing his lush color.

I bend over him and let my lips touch his ear, "Silly of me my lord. Not even I can take your soul away because to you, it might be broken, but to me it is the most luscious soul of them all."

I pecked his forehead which made me feel slightly possessive afterwards. I never looked at humans as mine if I wasn't eating them.

_He's magic and myth and as strong as what I believe._

_A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see._

_And do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him…._

* * *

><p>-<p>

Soon Ciel woke and he was already back home in his bed. I decided to take him home and let him rest there instead of that hospital. It was better for him this way.

He sat up and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. I watched him curiously and once his eyes met mine I bowed. Ciel didn't respond and I frowned, "My lord…?"

"You mean more to me right?" Ciel asked wrapping his arms around his chilling body. I noticed a bandage over his hand where an IV had penetrated his flesh.

"Of course." I answered with another short bow.

Ciel furrowed his brows questionably, "Because why? Because I am your master?"

I walked towards him deliriously and sat next to him on his bed, "You really don't see things in color do you?"

Ciel didn't respond.

It went silent and I continued to watch him as he stared into the bed sheets, "Sebastian, you do realize I am going to die soon?" He looked up and reflected his cold eyes into mine, "And then what will you do? I won't be here, so you should just leave alrea-"

I cut him short as I grabbed his hand and pulled him forward into my arms. He fit like a puzzle piece, just perfectly in my embrace. His body was cold and warm at the same time and I could hear his heart beating wilding within his chest. He didn't move, but I could feel that he was tense, "S-Sebastian…"

"Listen to me!" I began as I grabbed his attention, "You won't die and you won't give up! You can't!"

Ciel went mute while his breathing softened,"Hold me tight…." He spoke in a whisper barely audible.

I had never heard those words come out his mouth in all the years I knew him. I could feel his rash breaths in my jacket and the way he trembled.

"Ciel, are you afraid?" I asked as I pressed him deeper into my chest.

"Of course I am not afraid!" He lifted his eyes to mine and I gave him a questioning look, "Then why are you crying?"

Ciel sighed closing his eyes and nuzzled his face into my jacket, "I can't tell you, idiot…"

The insult came out of his mouth sounding so sweet. I smiled and played with his hair, "You don't want to tell me, but I am afraid I already know why."

Ciel shook his head, "You are mistaken. You have no idea what I feel."

I pulled him onto my lap and he scoffed at me, "Stop becoming so attached to me! Don't…don't you GET it? People who die…they…they can't come back to life!"

"Then you don't die!" I protested.

Ciel sighed deeply and leaned his head against my shoulder, "Your…so stupid. I can't stop this. I am hurting and I turn towards you because you're all I have left."

"I am a last resort?"

Ciel bit his lip and curled his fingers into my palm, "I don't know. How am I suppose to know?"

"You have a fever my lord.." I said as I felt of his forehead.

Ciel raised his head and glared with teary eyes into my eyes, "Please don't call me lord anymore…not until I die."

I cocked an eye, "Is that an order?"

Ciel grabbed my face and leaned into my space shutting his eyes tightly. His lips captured mine and I felt my body surge. He tasted like what god called sin. He was like heavens buds and his scent was perfect.

He had no idea what he was doing by the way his lips closed tightly around mine. I wrapped my hands around his waist and let my hand caress the side of his face, "Open your mouth." I mumbled through his attempt of a kiss.

Ciel obeyed as his lips ease apart and I let my tongue wonder inside the cavern of his mouth. So warm, sweet, and simple.

My heart began to shiver at his touch. I didn't want Ciel to die. The thought now stung my chest as I kissed him deeper.

Finally I pulled back and Ciel nodded while his lips trembled and tears clawed for release outside his orbed eyes, "That is an order, Sebastian."

"Just cry.." I said as I engulfed him in my arms, "Stop acting so proud."

…and he cried….he cried without making a sound, but his tears were warm as they trailed down his cheeks and onto my hand.

Soon he fell asleep and I laid there with him clenching to me in my arms. He was so tiny and frail…

_'He nodded and with a grin, "Yea, that is because the doctors thinks my treatment is going to work! Isn't that exciting?"'_

I cursed under my breath at the back flash racing through my mind.

I don't know what he is possibly after, but what I do know is that he is a beautiful disaster…

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Please review 8D It would mean so much ! *_***


	2. Part two

_**STOP**! Before you read this fanfiction you should listen to Kelly Clarksons song Beautiful Disaster. It will make this story SOO much better! =D_

_Also take note this is the second part of this story. There will be part two in a link below!_

_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler and sadly never will. *cries in corner*_

_Title:Beautiful Disaster_

_Pairings: Sebastian/Ciel (yaoi)_

_Rating: T / Pg-13_

_Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance_

_Summary: I am a demon and my life revolves around devouring souls. However, soon I start to serve under a young boy, who not only smells like heaven and sin combined, but has the most broken soul that is the most beautiful disaster._

_Timeline: Actual universe. Also known as 21st century._

_Warnings: Slight yaoi. Nothing too bad. Slight OOC, too!(I tried my best for what I had to work with) and then is also slight fluff/angst. o.o Okay a lot of it. Sheesh. *walks away* Oh and one more thing. There is also TWO parts to this story! TWO parts! =D Both parts are complete now._

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**By Sasurealian**

**Part Two**

* * *

><p>Two was what they gave the boy who slept gently against my shoulder. I couldn't see his right eyelid due to the feather soft hair that hung in his face. His breathing was so quiet. It almost seemed like he was lifeless.<p>

I remained silent as I held him in my arms and lifted him onto his bed. I pulled up his comforter over his body and watched as he exhaled in his sleep. He shifted under the blanket and let his head rest against his pillow.

Two months of life was awfully short..

* * *

><p>"Why don't you just take his soul? He is about to die and once death overcomes his soul, no one will be able to take it." An eerie voice spoke through the darkness. I turned my attention at him and narrowed my eyes.<p>

"Stop smoking on that cigar Lucifer and listen to me." I spat turning my narrowed eyes into a harsh glare.

"Sebastian, you were one of the most devastating demons and now you created a heart for a mere human." He chuckled into the darkness and took another intake of his cigarette, "That is tragic indeed."

"Maybe it isn't the wise choice in your devilish eyes, but.." I looked towards the ground and shut my eyes slowly, "It is the correct choice."

I stood and began to leave. The darkness was becoming too hungry for me, "At least I know he won't be joining you in this flaming hell. That is all I need to know to save him."

"Then.." The cold voice breathed, "Save the brat and live without a pure soul bellowing inside your existence. It is your loss."

I smirked as I ignored him, letting the only sound of my feet echo against the ground.

Hell was an unpleasant place for a beautiful soul.

* * *

><p>"Ciel, you have to try and get out of bed." I spoke while I attempted to dress him for the day.<p>

"HmpI don't feel so well." He never did anymore. His voice was so groggily and weak.

"Then does my master want some breakfast?"

I reached over and grabbed a tea cup, making sure it wasn't too hot, "Here, try this."

Ciel sighed as he took the cup and brought it to his nose taking a sniff, "There isn't any sugar." He frowned.

"Like I would give you sugar in your condition."

Ciel sat it aside and fell back on his bed. He took his pillow and placed it over his face and groaned, "If I am to die then at least let me enjoy life. Sugar is too damn precious to pass up."

I couldn't help but smile at his cuteness. He was still a child and as a child to live without sugar was pitiful.

"Alright, but if I give you sugar in your tea you must try to get up and walk around." I said as I took some sugar cubes and plopped them in his bitter tea.

Ciel removed his pillow and stared up into the ceiling, "Sebastian.I know that I am going to die, is okay. Don't worry about me anymore."

He wouldn't face me anymore. He just stared into the emptiness.

I bit my lower lip and could taste his scent on my tongue. Like fucking heaven. How could I ever forget?

I watched while he sipped his tea. He was hardly drinking any of it.

"Ciel.." I began as I sat on the end of his bed, "What is it that you would like to do?"

He paused his drinking and cocked his head, "What do I want to do? What is there to do?"

I began to wonder what humans did before they died. What was there to live for before death overcame you?

"What are your most favorite things to do?" I asked.

Ciel bent over and began to set his tea cup down on his night stand. I watched as he stumbled and dropped the tea cup, having it crash all over the white carpet. He gasped and I reached down and picked up the cup before anymore harm was done to the carpet, "It is fine."

Ciel huffed as he jumped off his bed and walked out of the room.

"Ciel, wait!" I stood and went after him. He paused at the staircase and looked back at me. His eyes looked sore and his expression was dreadful.

"I am not even human anymore. I can't even hold a damn cup!"

He continued down the stairs without another word to me. I watched as he clasped onto the rail. His balance was just as bad as the teacups.

Trembling and shivering until.

* * *

><p>One month swept by in a wink of an eye. It was pathetic to see my master try and do every day things. He knew he was dying, but wouldn't take an extra breath or a step back to just relax. I tried to urge him to rest more or to at least do things that didn't involve so much energy, but it was futile. He wouldn't accept it.<p>

He wouldn't accept himself and what was happening.

"Ciel, stop." I reached forward and placed the pen down on the table, "You're finished."

"I am still in school and have to-"

"Damnit, stop it!" I screamed. I never screamed. Not once in my life had my voice broken and reached that level of anger. Perhaps it was sadness instead?

I pulled his chair out, "You need to rest."

"RestREST? I'll be RESTING for all of eternity!"

Ciel stepped out behind his desk and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, "I never got to leave this country. I never got to be an adult. I never got to try cake from America. I never got to-"

Ciel jumped once my hand fell onto his shoulder, "You are stronger than all of that. Don't say those things."

Ciel slapped my hand away, "And youyou're a liar!" His pointed a finger up at my face, "You're not even human, but a demon."

I felt the very breath in my body freeze. Not once since I met Ciel had I told him about my true form. I thought it was better left unsaid.

"Don't even ask how I figured it out." Ciel shook his head back and forth, "I just know you are. That is all."

He slumped down against his desk and buried his head into his knees, "But you want to know what makes me crazy, Sebastian?"

I waited for him to speak. He knew he had my attention.

"You don't take my soul from ? All I want to ask is why?" His eyes looked into mine and I smiled shortly.

"Because.."

His shook his head confused, "Because is not even an answer!"

"I made it up." I grinned as I bent down to Ciel's level, "Just stop being so deadpanned and try and live the life you do have to its fullest."

He puffed his cheeks and knitted his brows, "Demons aren't suppose to be kind beings ya'know."

"Maybe they're not-" I stopped and sighed. What was I suppose to be if not a demon to capture a fragile soul. Even Lucifer had a point. Demons take souls and then find a new prey. That goes on for eternity, but

Ciel reached out and touched my chin, "Are you a nice demon? ?" Ciel giggled, "That would be pretty cool. Like a pet or something." Ciel suddenly blushed and turned away, "But I don't think you should make out with your pet."

I snickered as I picked him up into my arms, "Probably not, but I don't have rabiesat least let hope I don't"

I took him to his room and sat him on his bed. The end of the day was coming quickly and Ciel needed his rest. The days when life slipped from his soul were only inching closer.

He is soft to the touch, but frayed at the end he breaks..

He's never enough, but sometimes he's more than I can take

I shut the door behind me hoping that he would fall asleep quickly tonight.

* * *

><p>I just finished making Ciel's soup as I sat it on the table. It was simple and easy, but he didn't require anything else.<p>

I was about to call his name, but cocked my eye once I saw him on his tip-toes trying to reach a cup from the cupboard. With a smile and a roll from my eyes I reached above him and grabbed it.

"Pssh.."

"Here you are, my lord."

He blushed and yanked the cup from my hands, "You better be lucky that I am going to die before I get any taller."

AlthoughI didn't find that quite as funny; I kept quiet as I pulled out his chair for him to sit down.

It was an awkward dinner; extremely quiet and awkward to the point that I could hear Ciel swallow.

He pushed his bowl away soon after and rested his head on the table, "I think I want to go back to bed."

I blinked in confusion, "But..you just woke up."

He kept silent like usual, but my eyes still bore into his back. Every day he got worse and worse. I began to fear waking him up in the morning because perhaps he wouldn't arouse.

"Sebastian, what if I made a contract with you?" I began to open my mouth to protest, but he stood and slammed his fists onto the table, "Hear me out first!"

I decided to listen.

"I can make a wish! What if I said that I would trade you my soul for a longer life?"

I shook my head, "I was afraid you'd say that, but it doesn't work that way. You can't change someone's fate"

Ciel sat back down and frowned, "Then I have nothing I can wish for."

"Ciel, I wouldn't make a contract with you even if you wanted one." I walked over to him and picked up his soup. I scowled once I noticed he hardly touched it, "Once you make a contract with a demon you can't enter the gates of heaven."

"I know that.."

"Then why in the hell would you want to be in an existence of pain? You neither go to hell or heaven!"

Ciel stood up and covered his ears, "You don't understand anything! I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life! Heaven would be horrible!" He lowered his arms and clenched his fists together, "You're just a.a STUPID demon who never dies! But." I could only stare while Ciel's eyes began to tear, "But you don't actually care because there will always be more souls. I can't understand why you even stay."

I didn't expect him to run. Neither did I know he could in his condition.

The issues was, he ran outside before I could stop him, and it had been raining quite heavily since the afternoon. I sighed and wiped my hands on a towel in his kitchen, then threw it onto the island setting in the middle and ran out the door.

I wasn't really in the mood to get wet today, but for Ciel.-for that disaster-I could tolerate it.

hr-/hr

I growled to myself once I made it outside. My umbrella was doing a fucked up job with keeping the rain off me and the wind wasn't doing me any good either. Plus, to add to my great day, the sun was setting. Orit would be if I could find it. I sighed as I walked off the porch to search for him.

The car would have helped me some, except if Ciel ran, he probably didn't go far, so what would have been the point? I was searching for a silver haired child with leukemia. How hard could it actually be?

Well, after the first twenty minutes I started to feel a little worried. I had made it to the end of the road that our house sat on. Ciel wasn't anywhere to be found and all there was were a few people driving down the roads. Many of them driving a bit fast for this weather.

I turned around thinking that Ciel might have gone in the other direction, but my body instantly froze once I noticed a small figure huddled against a tree.

He was shivering and his head lay upon his knees. I walked over towards him and lifted the umbrella over his head. His dazzling cerulean eyes looked up at me and I grinned, "Well there my young master is. You know I don't like hide and seek."

A crusty wet smile flashed back at me and I felt a small bit of relief. At least he could still smile..even if it was forced. "You want to go home?"

Ciel's eyes dropped towards the ground and he began to pull at the drenched grass in thought.

"Ciel, you're going to get even more sick and I-"

"Just stop it, okay!" Ciel barked as he fisted the grass in his palm and threw it, "I am seriously getting tired of how you're attempting to care, but come on Sebastian, be realistic for five fucking minutes!"

I didn't expect him to stand up, or his eyes to water, "You're a demon. We both got that one down, but..as a demon you eat human souls." Ciel shook his head, "Take my soul before it is too late! Let me grant your wish instead of you granting mine."

With those words spoken, my whole universe crashed down, along with the thunder and along with the lightning. He didn't care about his eternity, but he cared about my fulfillment with his soul. Only, I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want it. The question now was, what did I want?

"Ciel-"

"No, stop it Sebastian. Don't try and avoid this!" He stepped closer to me until our faces were inches apart, "I'm about to die! Even a simple minded brat like me knows that! I am not THAT stupid! If you want my soul then take it!"

His were pale and his eyes were beginning to fade. His hand reached up and touched my face and I jumped with how cold they were. He was slipping away from life itself.

"II don't want it."

Ciel cursed under his breath, " Why the hell not! Am I not 'good' enough for you? Do I have to die first!"

I reached forward and snaked my arms around his form until he collapsed into my lap. His heart began to beat faster and since he wouldn't look up at me anymore I assumed he was either frantic or embarrassed. I chose the ladder.

"What if what I wanted was my master to stay with me?"

Did I honestly want that? Did I want a little boy with me for the rest of my life? The way he smiled or insulted me, or the way he would lace his tiny fingers into my hand and laugh to himself. Goddamnit, I missed his laugh.

"Liar."

"Demons don't lie."

"Prove it."

My hands cupped his mouth and my eyes shut as I leaned in to kiss him. His figure turned stiff once my lips met his and I felt mine go numb. I couldn't hear anything else, but the rain and I couldn't taste anything else, but Ciel.

His entire existence was like heaven. Everything he was resembled what I could never have and I hated it!

Ciel was perfect and I was not. Maybe that was why I liked him so much? To taste heaven was what every demon wanted and you didn't need to devour their soul to have it because once a demon touched a pure soul it can never revert back. It would be destroyed for all of eternity.

I lost my mind somewhere in our kisses and I pressed him back against the tree hungrily. Ciel moaned, but didn't release. It surprised me how strong he was for a human- no for a boy. He was everything I lacked.

I hardly noticed when Ciel wrapped his hands around my neck. I hoisted him around my hips and pulled my lips from his and looked him dead in the eye, "My lord"

He shut his eyes softly and leaned forward placing a kiss on my chest, "You're a good demon, Sebastian andI might just-"

His breath hitched suddenly.

"..Ciel..?"

He didn't respond, which sent a chill up my spine, "H-hey..?"

I sat him down and when his body fell limp I knew that things were getting bad.

"CIEL! Hey!" I shook him, but nothing.

"Yo! How is my favorite demon."

I knew that voice. How could I ever forget it. "Grell."

"Ah, correct, my dear Sebas-chan."

I lifted Ciel into my arms and began to head back home, "Don't you dare show up right now."

Grell was right at my heels as I walked, "You know what that means when I am here right? His life is coming to an end."

I gritted my teeth as I walked faster, "Not yet!" Lightening flashed, soon followed by hungry thunder, "I won't let you take him!"

I was determined. You knew it by the way my crimson eyes flared.

* * *

><p>"His fever has gone up by five since I've brought him home." I said as I wrung a rag out and placed it over Ciel's head. Grell sat on Ciel's dresser with his legs crossed giggling.<p>

"His time has come, let him go."

?

I inhaled and turned towards Grell, "Make me."

He didn't retort, but the nasty look across his face made me believe he wasn't tolerating my response.

I bent over Ciel and brushed my hand through his hair. His forehead was burning and I leaned over and pecked it, "My lord something."

"Sebas-chan, it is just a human kid." He hopped of the dresser and grabbed my shoulders, "Just let him die."

I slapped him back and glared, "Don't take him, shinigami."

"I am sorry that you didn't get his soul." He spoke pursing his lips, "But you can always have mine."

I turned back at Ciel and knelt beside him. He was going to die, but the doctor said two months. It had only been one. "Master."

It wasn't suppose to be like this. Ciel was to die and I was to accept it and find another soul. So many years have gone by and I spent the time watching over a child I wouldn't even kill.

Instead someone else was taking his life.

Was it God?

I couldn't help, but to feel hate for God. He was taking him from me.

I took his icy hand and brought it to my lips kissing it with my most gentleness, "You'll become what they call an angel, Ciel."

"Oh come on, Sebas-chan, stop treating this child like he is of any importance. He is going to die like all the other sick children and you as a demon should run away with me." His arms touched over my back and I turned around grabbing his chin.

" Shinigami, you better watch your tongue or else-"

"Time is up."

The words shattered from inside my ears and I swallowed back.

Did I dare to look behind me back at Ciel?

But my body moved on its own and once my eyes met the fragile child's form I felt some part of me die on the inside.

Fuck it!

Demons don't have feelings.

I should feel joy, but.I don't.

His whole body was ghost white. He eyes were blue and the way his lips eased apart shortly reminded me of the way his cold kisses tasted.

I couldn't see the pure blue that his eyes carried anymore

I couldn't see that beautiful smile anymore.

I couldn't hear his jovial laugh anymore.

I couldn't see his sullen tears anymore.

I couldn't taste his ruby lips against mine anymore.

When I looked back at Grell he was no longer there. I was all alone. The only sound that was evident was that of the rain as it pelted the windows.

"Ciel."

But no one was to answer me and no one was there to care. I was a demon after all and he was a beautiful disaster who was now..dead.

He wouldn't remember it because he was asleep, but I would remember it forever

* * *

><p>I had taken Ciel's body and buried it next to his parents. Look down onto his grave I felt empty. He was always right beside me, but now.I was so alone.<p>

I guess deep down I wasn't use to the death silence. I never would have thought Ciel would have died from his leukemia. I had this idea that he would pull through. Or maybe it was that I assumed it would all be okay because demons don't feel sadness, so why would I?

Demons are exempted from that type of life, but then, why must I feel so damn awful?

I placed a white flower by his grave and stared for a while. Ciel Phantomhive. I must have read his name a dozen times before I walked away.

I had decided to leave Earth and go elsewhere. Neither heaven or hell. Not to say that heaven would have accepted me, but anywhere was better than hell. Every time I thought of hell all I could think of was Ciel's death.

I rather have gone to heaven. At least I could have searched for Ciel. Maybe I would get to see him once more and actually say goodbye.

I walked alone through this world. I liked to call it purgatory. It was pleasant enough and dozens of white flowers bloomed across the surface. The smell was sweet, but I wasn't one to like anything that resembled sweet. Unless-

No, I wasn't going back to that. I shook my head and swept a lazy hand through my raven hair. All I needed to do was forget my past and move forward. I could go back to women again and all those pathetic souls. That was the life I lived before and it world perfect up until I .

Flower peddles flew up into my face and I caught one crushing it into my palm. I released it and watched the wind carry it away.

This place was so beautiful, but at the same time, tragic.

"Sebastian!"

I stopped my movement and frowned. That voice was so similar to-

"Sebastian! Stop gawking at nothing, you idiot!"

I looked up and instantly stiffened. Ciel stood there with a silly grin on his face, "About time you noticed!"

"You're dead..then you must be a ghost?"

"I am not a ghost! I am a being, like you."

There was no way. I had watched him die, so there was no way he-

"I rejected faith. I rejected heaven, Sebastian." When he spoke I couldn't breathe. Those words alone made my legs feel weak.

"Rejected..heaven?"

Ciel out reached his hand to me, "Ya'know, Sebastian, those who reject heaven are cast into the lake of fire, but not angels. There is a special place angels go once they reject heaven."

I inched closer towards his hand, staring into his deep blue eyes.

"You're 're not a demon." I breathed out in a mere whisper.

"They cast the angels into purgatory." He finished as he took my hand.

I remained frozen while he walked into my arms, "But I won't ever go back to heaven, Sebastian. I'll live here for the rest of my life in purgatory because that is my punishment."

I engulfed my arms around him and held him close, "You're so stupid!"

He nuzzled his face into my neck, "Say Sebastian?"

I didn't need to say anything for him to continue.

"Angels and demons can't fall in love with each other, right?"

I thought about it for a moment, but just the thought of it sounded stupid.

"I guess I am lucky that I fell in love with a nice demon then." He snickered and once again my ears were filled with that lust all over.

"Damn, you're a fucking beautiful disaster."

Ciel scoffed as he placed a messy kiss against my lips, "Momma use to say never to use beautiful and fucking in the same sentence."

I could only smirk, "Yes, my lord."

**End-**

**A/N: Sorry for typos and stuff. I took this for my DA and posted it here xD First time I EVER posted something on DA before FF. xD**

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